We were sitting inside a cave near the Stockbridge shelter in Harriman State Park after setting up our hammocks for the night. It was nice to be tucked into the cave to escape the winds, which were high due to a passing tropical storm. Earlier in the evening I shared my somewhat secret ambition to thru hike the AT. It was here that he asked me why I hike. I took a moment to reflect on the many reasons I was there.
I’m not often one for long pauses in conversation. As a matter of fact, I am more accustomed to the type of conversation in which people interject their thoughts often interrupting one another along the way. It’s not intentionally rude; when someone gets excited and wants to share it just happens, like a spontaneous utterance.
“I’m sorry, I’m not ignoring your question. I just want to make sure that I can really put into words the way I feel,” was how I started my response. It was out of character for me to hold back, but I wanted to really convey how significantly nature impacts me. I took a moment to look around before I responded with, “the natural order to the chaos.”
I wasn’t trying manufacture a profound or greatly philosophical statement. Actually, I was channeling my mother. (If you’re like me you may realize how terrifying admitting that is… ) Growing up she often told me to use fewer words. I was trying to be succinct without losing the gravity of the statement.
The wind blows, a cracking sounds as a branch falls off a tree. It may seem random or chaotic. It is all part of the natural order that allows life to continue. That branch will decompose and become a part of the Earth creating possibility for more life to develop. Monday through Friday, September through June, I am a teacher. I adhere to strict schedules, manufactured expectations and standards. I can not use a bathroom unless students are otherwise supervised. To me it is an assembled order that creates as much chaos as it does order. Our society imposes rules and regulations intended to create order, but in the end creates disarray and turmoil. Out on the trail the only order that matters is the one nature has created.
The trail provides a natural order to the chaos around us. It is therapeutic, relaxing, and awe inspiring. Being out there makes me feel almost insignificant, but not in a bad way. I feel insignificant in a way that is both humbling and reassuring. When I am on the trail, it becomes clear that there is a much bigger picture of which I am only a small part. I gain an appreciation for all living things when I am immersed in an undomesticated environment.